While no date is given for the following two pages, we can be confident that the material was prepared and one presumes performed at the Chicago Economics Department Christmas Party of 1969. Photos from the December 1970 Christmas party have been posted by Robert J. Gordon–they do not correspond to the texts below.
The events of campus unrest at Columbia, Cornell, Harvard and San Francisco State referred to all took place 1968-69, so the earliest possible date for this skit would have been in December 1969.
I have added the “true” lyrics to the chosen tunes as well as links to videos with the corresponding melodies for readers who wish to try their luck in the privacy of their own offices. Replication probably requires a cocktail or two to establish the appropriate a-critical mood.
Your sober scribe was not particularly amused. OK, maybe the lighting, costuming, and orchestral arrangements were fantastic–hard to know. I pity though the poor future historians of present economics who will have to deal with audio and video evidence and not just the written record.
________________________
SONGS FOR SKIT
|
University of Chicago |
“The Merry Minuet |
| They’re rioting at C’lumbia
La La La La La La La They’re shooting up Cornell La La La La La They’re plowin’ up ole Harvard Yard La La La La La La La And Hiyakowa’s catching hell. La La La La La Academia is festering with strife and discord The faculty hate students cause they’re paranoid But we can be certain and brimming with cheer That none of this nonsense will ever happen here. |
They’re rioting in Africa They’re starving in Spain There’s hurricanes in Florida And Texas needs rain The whole world is festering with unhappy souls The French hate the Germans, the Germans hate the Poles Italians hate Yugoslavs, South Africans hate the Dutch And I don’t like anybody very much But we can be thankful and tranquil and proud That Man’s been endowed with the mushroom shaped cloud And we know for certain that some lovely day Some one will set the spark off and we will all be blown away They’re rioting in Africa There’s strife in Iran What nature doesn’t do to us Will be done by our fellow man! |
|
University of Chicago |
Santa Claus is Coming to Town https://youtu.be/HSmsq2iq4bQ |
| You’d better watch out You’d better not strike You’d better not riot I’m (or We’re) telling you why The National Guard is coming to town. They know what you’ve been smoking They know when you’ve been bad They know when you’ve been sitting-in So get out…do you understand!! They’re making a list And checking it twice They’re going to find out Whose [sic] Commie or nice The National Guard is coming to town. |
Oh! You better watch out You better not cry You better not pout I’m telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town He sees you when you’re sleeping He knows when you’re awake He knows if you’ve been bad or good So be good for goodness sake! He’s making a list Checking it twice Gonna find out Who’s naughty or nice Santa Claus is coming to town |
|
University of Chicago |
On Top of Old Smokey https://youtu.be/P51eCjKN2Kw |
| On top of a mountain In central Vermont Resides Milton Friedman Of wisdom the fount. The scene is idyllic On that mountain peak But here in Chicago The outlook is bleak. Since Telser to Belgium Has decided to roam, Just Zecher and Gorden [sic] Are left here at home. No thesis prospectus Are we able to give Faculty all neglect us As their prerogative. Heed our ultimatum Before it’s too late Move the MONEY workshop To the Green Mountain State. |
On top of old smokey all covered with snow I lost my true lover for courting too slow For courting’s a pleasure and parting’s a grief And a false hearted lover is worse than a thief For a thief will just rob you and take all you save But a false hearted lover will lead you to the grave And the grave will decay you and turn you to dust Not one girl in a hundred a poor boy can trust They’ll hug you and kiss you and tell you more lies Than cross lines on a railroad or stars in the skies So come all your maidens and listen to me Never place your affections on a green willow tree For the leaves they will wither and the roots they will die You’ll all be forsaken and never know why. |
|
University of Chicago |
Mickey Mouse Club Song |
| Who’s the leader of the club That’s made for you and me M-i-l-t-o-n Da Da Da Da De[e] Uncle Miltie, Uncle Miltie Forever let us sing his praises high […high, high, high] He’s the man with just one theory When others must use two M-i-l-t-o-n Da Da Da Da Do[o] Milt the Stilt (Paul the Small) Milt the Stilt (Paul the Small) In our hearts we know which one is right […] [right, right, right] Velocity is constant The Phillips curve’s a fraud M-i-l-t-o-n Da Da Da Da Da[w] Money matters, money matters As long as prices do not rise too fast. What’s the purpose of the club That’s made for you and I U of C Ph.D. M-O-N-E-Y Permanent Income, Permanent income It makes it all worthwhile, or so they[…] […]say. [say, say, say] Rules and not discretion And let me tell you why M-I-L-T-O-N M-O-N-E-Y |
Who’s the leader of the club That’s made for you and me M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E Hey! there, Hi! there, Ho! there You’re as welcome as can be M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E Mickey Mouse! (Donald Duck) Mickey Mouse! (Donald Duck) Forever let us hold our banner High! High! High! High! Come along and sing the song And join the jamboree! M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E Mickey Mouse club Mickey Mouse club We’ll have fun We’ll meet new faces We’ll do things and We’ll go places We’re marching all around the world Who’s the leader of the club That’s made for you and me M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E Hey! there, Hi! there, Ho! there You’re as welcome as can be M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E Mickey Mouse! (Donald Duck) Mickey Mouse! (Donald Duck) Forever let us hold our banner High! High! High! High! Come along and sing a song And join the jamboree! M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E(yay Mickey) (yay Mickey) (yay Mickey Mouse Club!) |
|
University of Chicago
|
O Tannenbaum (O Christmas Tree) |
| Now that we’ve lost our faculties To real world positions We can observe to ascertain What were their life ambitions Lester Telser for his amusement Investigated advertisement So now we find him having fun On the avenue called Madison. Those who had taught development Have left to form a settlement With Harberger as President An economist in residence With [Larry] Sjastaad in an advisory task They’re sure to find their golden path And on their farms up with the sun Are Teddy Schultz and Gale Johnson. Bob Fogel has aspired to be The president of the Santa Fee Gregg Lewis we all should know Leads the AFL and CIO And Friedman’s gone up to Ely To found his university Big Harry with his knife so free Now runs a toothpick factory. [Handwritten addition:] Uzawa + Mundell have gone to instigate at the Sorbonne Geo. T who’s of urban fame [George S. Tolley] |
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree, How lovely are your branches! O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree, How lovely are your branches! Not only green in summer’s heat, But also winter’s snow and sleet. O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, How lovely are your branches! O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree, Of all the trees most lovely; O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree, Of all the trees most lovely. Each year you bring to us delight With brightly shining Christmas light! O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree, Of all the trees most lovely. O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree, We learn from all your beauty; O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree, We learn from all your beauty.
Your bright green leaves with festive cheer,
|
Some dialogue:
Opening scene, faculty seated around a table, one member is reading a newspaper:
One faculty member: (reading newspaper, shakes head) The students are revolting!
(All concur)
Another member: But thank God—ah I mean Milton—that we’re at Chicago. Our students are well behaved, well ordered, normal, continuous and homothetic.
Another: (questioning) But how do you know about their sex lives?
(Pause for a few seconds, for all the uproarious laughter, then break into song—“They’re rioting at Columbia….” [See above].)
(After song, and during, students enter, their spokesman present list of demands to Stigler).
Student spokesman: We’ve come to present our nonnegotiable demand schedule for reform in the department.
(All faculty in shock and dismay)
We have decided to bring the free market economy into the university. Therefore:
(1) We demand that prelim grades be bought and sold freely—thereby bringing greater efficiency into the production of economists.
(2) We demand the immediate return of all industrial organization exams from the public enterprise post office.
And (3) We demand the removal of all artificial floors and ceilings in the Department.
Stigler: (unrolls list of demands and exclaims) Heck—we’re saved. Your demand schedule is upward sloping (a pause)
(turns sheet of paper to audience)
And therefore nonexistent.
(All faculty sigh in relief)
Source: Harvard University Archives, Papers of Zvi Griliches, Box 129, Folder “Faculty skits, ca. 1960s”.