The following M.I.T. economics skit from ca. 1971 attains biblical proportions or at least displays biblical pretensions. The script comes from Robert Solow’s file of many such skits that Roger Backhouse has copied during his archival research. Alas this script displays some half-dozen gaps, but there is always some hope that the missing parts (mainly lyrics for songs noted below) will be found eventually in some other economist’s archived papers.
While there is no explicit date on the manuscript, the references to President Nixon, a mention of the eighth edition of Samuelson’s Economics (published in 1970) and the reference to Bishop and Domar who last taught the first graduate microeconomic and macroeconomic courses in 1970-71 are sufficient to give us a reasonably tight point estimate of early 1971 for this skit.
I have taken the liberty of correcting the many spelling errors and obvious typos. To improve readability I have also added boldface, alignment formatting etc. Comments are found within square brackets in italics.
Nerd humor, crude double entendre, puns coexist along side of flashes of wit and emotion. But it is mostly nerd humor.
_________________________
Opening Song [Lyrics missing]
Announcer [Text missing]
Narrator:
In the beginning God created the endowments and utility.
And God looked on the utility and saw that they were goods.
And there was darkness upon the face of the utility and the utility was without form.
And God said let there be light and there was light and the preferences were revealed.
And God said let there be a social welfare function and so it was that the preferences were ordered.
And God said let there be liberation of consciousness and there was consciousness of liberation.
And created economic man in his own image.
And on the seventh day God rested because the Robnett was closed.
[Robnett was name of the room in the Sloan Building that served as a graduate student lounge.]
[Enter Adam]
Adam: Like man, what am I gonna do with this endowment of two nuts I got stuck with. There ain’t no one to exchange ‘em with. I can’t get no satisfaction.
[Enter Eve tossing apple]
Eve: Hey man wanna bite of my apple
Adam: Now we’re getting down to the core of the problem.
Eve: Can I have one of your nuts if I give you a bite of my apple.
Adam: Well you see, I suffer from a certain lumpiness in my endowments. One nut ain’t no good to you on its own but I’ll exchange both of my nuts for 2 bites of your apple.
Eve: Hold it: I got a better idea. Why don’t we put your nuts and my apples together and reproduce them. Perhaps we can make a date.
[Gong and Lights]
God: Stop! In creating this perfect static world for you, I forbade you to break the budget constraint. Now you have reproduced your endowments and broken the budget constraint. Henceforth I condemn all economic men to conduct their intercourse only through the medium of money, and each and every man shall maximize his profits.
[Exit God]
Narrator: ….and so it came to pass that a whole stream of prophets came into existence. And the first and greatest of these was Paul, son of Samuel, who led his tribe out of the gates of Harvard. And whilst resting at Tech. Square Paul saw a flash of burning light from behind the NASA building. And God spoke unto Paul and Paul wrote down these words on a tabernacle later to be called the Ten Foundations.
[Enter Paul]
Paul: Adam Smith who begat Malthus who had a surplus so he begat Ricardo who begat Marx, who By God was a bigoted begat. But Böhm-Bawerk begat Jevons who then begat Marshall who then get begat John Keynes. But Schumpeter came from the Austrian school and finally begat me.
While we’re waiting for Joan to print up the tabernacles for us why don’t we have a sing-song to make sure you know the begetting chain.
SONG – WHEN ECON.
[For the melody: Paul Robeson’s rendition of the original hymn]
LET MY PEOPLE KNOW
- When Econs were in Adams land (solo)
Let my people know (chorus)
Everything worked by the invisible hand (solo)
Let my people know (chorus)
Go down Paul way down in (Adams) land
Tell old (Adam) let my people know - When econs were in Ricardo’s land
The topic was the rent on land - When econs were in Marx’s land
Come now brothers and join the band - When econs were in Marshall’s land
All was solved with a maximand - When econs were in Keynesian Land
Savings equaled investment planned
[Joan enters gives notes to Paul]
Paul: During the five minutes left to me I’ll read to you from the Ten Foundations.
TEN FOUNDATIONS
[Text missing]
[Gong, lights]
God: Paul! the promised land lies before the tribe of econs and thou must lead them unto this land of math and money. Thou shalt find it on a piece of old wasteland between the factories down on the river.
[Exit God]
Narrator: …and so the tribe of economists came to rest but Paul was not to become head of the tribe but instead the church grew and a Bishop was made head.
[Enter Bishop]
Bishop… Reads from manuscript in Pious voice
Everybody: Get off that’s last year’s skit.
[Exit Bishop]
Narrator: But the economists were not to live in peace for long for the mighty hosts of the Philistines fell upon them and besieged them.
[Enter 2 economists]
1st Econ: They say that these Philistines have a great warrior called Goliath who has issued a challenge to all economists to face him as champion of the Philistines.
2nd Econ: This character sounds Frankly Fishy to me
[Enter Frank]
Frank: No one calls Frank a Philistine. Take that and that.
[kills two economists.]
Narrator: And now a word from my sponsor: [Aitken Ad:]
Announcer: When you wake up in the morning, do your residuals seem to be going round and round?
If they do, you may be suffering from serial correlation. For severe bouts of serial correlation, especially if accompanied by lagged endogenous variables, see your local econometrician. But for the ordinary, everyday serial correlation, try Aitken’s, generalized least squares.
Don’t confuse Aitken’s with any ordinary least squares.
Scientific tests have proved that ordinary least squares is inefficient when it comes to serial correlation. Ordinary least squares merely covers up the problem, making you feel better by giving you optimistically high R2’s, low standard errors. Aitken’s heals while it conceals.
So for all of you who suffer from low Durbin-Watson statistics, the swing is to Aitkens’s. Aitken’s generalized least squares, brewed in Edinburgh, and other fine cities. But you know that.
[Others sing Amazing Frank]
[For the melody: Paul Robeson’s rendition of the original hymn]
Amazing Frank how sweet the sound
To save a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I’m found
Was blind but now I see.
That precious day that Frank appeared
The hour I first believed
Twas Frank that taught my heart to fear
And Frank my fears relieved.
Through many dangers toils & snares
I have already come
‘Tis Frank that’s brought me safe this far
And Frank will lead me home.
Narrator: ….and there was among the economists one called David.
David: All of my people are being killed—I must rescue them.
[hands cigarette to Frank who dies]
All Econs: How did you do it?
David: It’s easy—he got stoned!
All: Oh!
Narrator:…and so David became King of the tribe of Economists.
…and David begat a wise son called Solomon who inherited the ability to always know the question when given the answer
[QUESTION AND ANSWER: Text Missing]
Narrator:…But the economists lost their respect for the elders of the tribe and the world became more and more evil. This threw the economists into an economic and moral problem. The reproduction rate became higher, a labour saving device had to be introduced.
[LET’S CONTRACEPT: Lyrics or Text Missing]
[Bishop enters]
Bishop: I’m not surprised the world’s becoming more evil that Nixon just sits and fiddles while Arthur Burns. I must read the economic word to the econs
[23rd Psalm: Lyrics or Text Missing]
My lesson isn’t working, just listen to the people
[ain’t gonna deflate]
AIN’T GONNA DEFLATE
[Sung to the tune Blood on the Risers (Gory Gory What a Helluva Way to Die)]
VERSE
- They increased supply of money till the central bank was bust
Commercial banks gave credit till restrictions were a must
Investment broker ran amuck with their investment trusts
AND we ain’t gonna deflate no more
CHORUS:
Glory Glory what a hell of a way to go (3 times)
And we ain’t gonna deflate no more
- They equaled up the tax receipts to gov’ment expenditure
They raised the defense budget- so to help along the war
And Dicky’s own account became more and more and more
AND we ain’t gonna deflate no more
CHORUS:
- They lowered the rate of interest to keep Euro-dollars out
The Germans out exchange rates messed everyone about
The French exported gold to all as if there were a draught
AND we ain’t gonna deflate no more
CHORUS
- They printed paper money and handed it around
Sent money to Cape Kennedy got rockets off the ground
But all the money printed went straight to Herr von Braun
AND we ain’t gonna deflate no more
CHORUS
- Speculators bulled and beared till buffaloed they got
Stability was never heard become a laughing spot
The widows and the orphans cried keep down that old p dot
NO WE AIN’T GONNA DEFLATE NO MORE.
Narrator: ….one man alone was good in all this world.
[Franco Sawing]
[Gong, lights]
[The following Noah’s ark piece borrows heavily from the 1963 comedy album “Bill Cosby is a Very Funny Man….Right!” ]
God: Franco! (3 times) crescendo
Franco: No answer.
God: This is the Lord, Franco (Thunderously)
Franco: I’ll be with you in about 5 minutes.
God: Franco I want you to build me a model. I want it to be 60 equations long and 30 variables wide.
Franco: But I don’t know any econometrics.
God: So! Franco I want you to take two of every kind of variable into your model. Your model alone can save mankind for I shall flood the world with money.
Narrator: ….and so Franco worked feverishly not to say Frank-tically gathering variables from all his students until eventually he had two of every kind.
[Gong, lights]
God: Franco
Franco: What!
God: The time has come Franco
Franco: Do you know what I’ve been through. I’ve got all these variables and stuck them all in my model. They all look the same to me. How am I supposed to identify them?
Besides you didn’t tell me those variables were homoskedastic.
Now the investment’s got galloping consumptions, that infant industry’s riding his business cycle everywhere, income’s got a growth.
The whole model’s exploding.
[Gong, lights]
Franco: My God it’s shorting
Narrator:…and so money rained for forty days and forty nights.
[Franco looks out from model]
Franco: It’s stopped.
[Lights, gong]
God: Franco
Franco: Here we go again
God: You must tell all the variables to leave the model and multiply.
[Exit God]
Franco: Easier said than done. All right, come on out all you variables. Go away and multiply…go away and multiply.
[Enter 2 adders kissing]
1st Adder: We can’t multiply
Franco: Why not?
2nd Adder: We’re adders
Franco: There must be some way. God’s always right. Look, look, they’ve multiplied. How did you manage it.
1st adder: It’s marvelous what you can do with Logs isn’t it.
[Exeunt]
Narrator:…and so a population explosion occurred over night. And new preachers of the true economic world arose.
Announcer: And they begat three economists, Diamond, Modigliani, and Bhagwati.
[SONG: JAG, PETER, AND FRANCO]
[Still need to establish the original song used to parody]
THREE ECONOMISTS
(soft shoe routine)
Together: I’m Peter, I’m Franco, I’m Jagdish Bhagwati
We are the finest teachers in the world
Peter: I teach public finance though it’s sometimes hard to tell
Franco: I teach monetary and I give my students hell
Jagdish: I just sit and listen to the questions of Steve Zell
Together: Oh we are the finest teachers in the world.
[Peter does his thing, commentator describing. Text/Lyrics missing]
Together: I’m Peter, I’m Franco, I’m Jagdish Bhagwati
We all have our own teaching techniques.
Peter: I like mathematics—it’s a discipline sublime
Franco: I think talking slowly is a really awful crime
Jagdish: I draw Johnson diagrams—a dozen for a dime.
Together: Oh we all have our own teaching techniques
[Franco does his ad for the MITFRB model. Text/Lyrics missing]
[Jagdish does his offer curves spiel. Text/Lyrics missing]
Together: I’m Peter, I’m Franco, and I am Jagdish B.
We are the hardest workers in the world
Peter: I worked through Thanksgiving but I didn’t get much done
Franco: I run back and forwards from Cambridge to Washington
Jagdish: My output of articles is measured by the ton
Together: Oh we are the hardest workers
No we couldn’t be called shirkers
Yes we are the hardest workers in the world, oh yeah.
[STUDENTS LAMENT]
THE GRADUATE STUDENTS’ SONG
[To the tune of “My God how the money rolls in”]
[swaying from side to side, arms linked, on choruses]
ALL:
- Oh we are all graduate students
We study with vigor and vim
‘Cos once we have got our Ph.D’s
My God how the money rolls in.
Rolls in, rolls in, my God how the money rolls in, rolls in
Rolls in, rolls in, my God how the money rolls in.
- Our first year it was quite traumatic
Just like being torn limb from limb
We made it through Bishop and Domar
Although at times it was quite grim - But now as we’re facing the generals
Our chances of passing seem slim
We’re trying to alter the format
The faculty will not give in
(pleading)
Give in, give in, oh faculty won’t you give in, give in
Give in, give in, oh faculty won’t you give in.
- And then we’ll start writing our theses
We’ll make a great contribution
We’ll go to the AEA meetings
To get in the job market swim - We’ll write up some erudite papers
With lots of equations therein
Then next comes a best-selling textbook
To give Paul some competition
Competition, competition, to give Paul some competition, ‘tition
Competition, competition, to give Paul some competition.
- Paul Samuelson’s text is on top now
It’s up to its eighth edition
But we’ll supersede it entirely
And start off a new tradition - The they’ll give the Nobel Prize to us
Our pride will be full to the brim
And after we’ve published we’ll perish
My God how the money rolls in
Rolls in, rolls in, my God how the money rolls in, rolls in
Rolls in, rolls in, my God how the money rolls in.
Source: Duke University. David M. Rubenstein Rare Book and Manuscript Library. Economists’ Papers Archives, Papers of Robert M. Solow, Box 83.
Image Source: Sir John Betjeman—an English poet, writer, and broadcaster. From “Myrth Study” at the National Geographic Website (23 Dec 2013). He has nothing to do with the history of economics, but I love this picture of laughter!